May Hang in the Balance!
Once again, I, your beloved Anderson Longfellow Lovegood, have collected the facts one by one and lovingly packed them into a large woven truth-basket. A few plastic forks, can of vienna sausages for good measure -- That's right! -- Hold still, gentle reader! You're invited to an afternoon picnic... of insanity!
Like a great-winged horse, freshly shoe'd -- I have crashed through the sliding glass door of my own universe to bring you the Headlines that you need! Nothing, I repeat nothing, could stop the cold-hard truth from finding your face. Oh yes indeed, you're that good.
To understand the true nature of the decision that lies before you, (or perhaps, in many cases I'm sure -- behind you,) you must first understand the history of these "fine establishments".
In fact, there is a well kept secret theory naming both LJ and GJ as subsidiary companies under the tyrannical web log mega-conglomerate Globoblog. Now, I don't know about you, but where I come from the term mega-conglomerate is a bad thing -- RIGHT!?
But the horror does not end there, my fuzzy little kittens! After a CONSIDERABLE amount of research it has come to my attention that this very company has an office in Lake Mary, FL. A field office.
Tirelessly, the doomed souls who work there try to find new and innovative ways of controlling your mind but have yet to realise that THEY ARE SLAVES THEMSELVES!!! Addiction to the software was the first objective -- Next up? That's right, the only logical step to take, killing babies -- MAYBE EVEN YOUR OWN!
I beg you, do not allow this scourge to continue. It is time we take back our lives and live for ourselves - not some slick-haired shiny shoe and his greasy-chin'd cronies! End the game now, while there's still time left on this startling countdown of doom!